


Time to Grovel

by Finchyxpanic



Series: What Katie Did [6]
Category: Real Person Fiction, Tom Hiddleston - Fandom
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-23
Updated: 2019-05-23
Packaged: 2020-03-13 06:07:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18934975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Finchyxpanic/pseuds/Finchyxpanic
Summary: He knows he's messed up.He knows she's not going to forgive him. He wouldn't forgive him.But...maybe its for the best?It was never going to work anyway.Was it?





	Time to Grovel

It was a quiet suburban street, and the house he was looking at was a very normal, end of terrace property. It had a small front garden with just a brick path and shingle either side, no plants. There were venetian blinds in the windows, and he couldn’t make out any movement behind them.

He’d been sitting in his car, on the opposite side of the road for almost half an hour working up the courage to get out and knock. What if she wasn’t in? Or worse, what if she was and refused to see him?

It had been two weeks.

Two weeks since Tom had fucked up in the worst way possible.

 

***

 

“What the hell? Tom…what did you do?” Emma asked, standing in the lobby, looking at her brother who she could see was visibly upset by whatever had just gone down between him, and as far as she knew, his ex-lover.

“I…I don’t…” he voice shook, and he couldn’t finish. He furiously wiped at the tears threatening to spill from his eyes.

“Oh god, are you crying? Jesus, Tom. Sit down, for goodness sake, I’ll put the kettle on, and then you are starting from the beginning,” his sister instructed firmly and walked past him into the kitchen. She patted her leg, beckoning Bobby so she could let him out the back door and as she prepared the tea she gave that central island a wide berth, not being able to look at it, for the images still fresh in her mind.

Then Tom told her everything. He started with how he and Katie had been reunited. How almost immediately the chemistry was as strong as ever before. Worst of all, how he’d continued his relationship with Sandra, because he knew ending with her was admitting that what he was doing with Katie was more than just sex.

“I’ve got to say, I’m pretty disappointed in you,” Emma told him honestly, “I mean…what on earth is wrong with you?”

“I know, I know,” Tom sounded defeated, “I should have ended with Sandy, I shouldn’t have started anything with Katie and now I’ve hurt her in the worst possible way and –”

“Not that, well…not just that. I’m obviously disappointed to discover my brother is a cheating bastard. But…are you blind? I know you aren’t stupid but...I don’t know…emotionally stunted or something? You love her!” Emma threw her arms up, clearly exasperated by her brothers behaviour, “Don't you?”

“I don't know!”

“What do you mean? You don’t know? It’s obvious!”

“I thought I loved her, but then... everything happened and it took me so long to get over her. You know that. You were there. Now she’s back in my life and...it's just sex. We've not allowed it to be any more than that. We've not spoken about it,” Tom explained, rubbing his hands over his face and groaning loudly.

“It doesn't matter whether you’ve spoken about it or not. How do you feel? What do you want?”

“I...” Tom dropped his hands to his lap and looked at Emma, furrowing his brow. Realisation at what his sweet sister who at this moment in time he owed so much two he wasn’t sure what he could do to start recompensing for the inevitable trauma he'd caused her. “I want Katie.”

“I know you do.”

“But...I can't have her. We've been stupid and we shouldn’t have started this thing between us. Fuck!” he shouted the last word, causing Bobby's head to pop up from his basket and tilt curiously at his Dad, “Nothing has changed, Em. Look at the backlash I got last time, and she got it worse, she almost lost everything. I can’t let it happen again. I can't let her get hurt and I can't sacrifice what I worked so hard to build.”

“I get that, I do...but... I think you’re making a big mistake choosing your career over this woman. I wouldn’t normally say that. You know I get how important your job is and I’m not saying this to be cruel but I honestly don't think there is another woman out there for you. I know you’ve worked hard and I know you don’t need to settle down. I know you don’t _need_ a relationship to be happy.  But I do know how you are wired. I know you want a wife, a family... I also know that Katie is the first woman who you’ve been able to see that future with. You’re thirty-eight years old, Tom. There won't be another Katie. She is it!”

Tom stared at his sister, letting her words sink in. His bottom lip trembled and he felt the wetness on his cheeks as the tears started, “I don't know what to do...”

“I’m not saying its going to be easy or that all those problems are going to disappear. But can you blame her for walking out? She thinks you see her as nothing more than an easy lay. To be honest if I didn’t know you better I’d think the same,” Emma continued, “Its going to be hard, you’ll get hounded by the press and you’ll have to work together, but you’ll come out the other side. If you both want this. I get that you want to protect her from that and you don’t want to lose what you’ve worked for, but will you? Really?”

“It’s possible. I’ll alienate my fans…”

“You’ll lose a few fangirls. But you’re never going to please everyone. Face fire with fire, be out and proud so to speak. The more you treat Kate’s past like something sordid that you and she should be ashamed of, the more everyone else will too…you have an unusual position of influence, Tom. I never said this before and maybe I should have, but I really think Luke handled the entire situation rather badly, I think you both did.”

“How should I have handled it? She lied to me, Em.”

“Okay, she shouldn’t have kept it from you. I agree. But this isn’t about that anymore is it? Has she lied since? Did she lie to you about anything else?” Tom shook his head, “What’s the worst case scenario?”

“The media has a field day, they camp out by her house, her kids get taken away again. My reputation is left in tatters, I stop getting work, the contracts I do have drop me. I don’t know, Em. I honestly don’t know. It doesn’t matter anyway, it’s too late.”

“So you’re just going to give up?”

“Maybe it’s for the best.”

“You really aren’t the person I thought you were,” Emma didn’t try to hide the disappointment she felt in her big brother. His dedication to his work and his persistence to achieve his goals and get everything he wanted out of his life had been an inspiration to her and she had always looked up to him. But now for the first time he was giving up. Giving up on the one thing which could bring him the happiness he’d spent his life chasing, “My brother doesn’t quit, he gets what he wants!”

Tom gave his sister a hard look. She was so much smarter than him, more perceptive. Academically he and Sarah had been the ones who’d excelled, but Emma had navigated life much easier. She had buckets of common sense and seemed to see the things in a way he never could. She was right, he didn’t give up, he always got what he wanted. He wanted Katie.

“What do I do?” He asked, eventually.

“Well, for starters you have a phone call to make,” Emma nodded to the mobile phone which sat on the coffee table in the sitting room.

“She’ll still be driving.”

“Not Katie,” Emma shook her head, “Sandra. Before you do anything else, you need to call Sandra and end things.”

Without hesitation Tom picked up his phone and scrolled to Sandra’s number, pressed call and put it to his ear, then he stood up and offered his sister a small but grateful smile, before moving to leave the room for some privacy, “Hi Sandy…yeah I know you’re working, if it’s a bad time…ah okay, no, no, I’m fine…well actually there was something I needed to talk to you about…”

 

***

 

“Tom. What can I do for you?”

“I love how I call you and you immediately assume I want something?” Tom chuckled at the publicists telephone greeting. He’d not seen or spoken to his old friend in several weeks. These days his PR was dealt with by one of Luke’s underlings. He didn’t mind, in fact he’d insisted upon it. Prosper had grown and their client base was vast. Luke had more important things to do than babysit him. Tom was mostly self-sufficient.

“Well it’s been pushing two months since I last heard from you.”

“Ah,” Luke was right, as usual. Tom realised then, other than the occasional text, the last time they’d really spoken was that phone call to tell him he’d bumped into Katie. Then two months down the line another phone call out of the blue, “Christ, I’m a terrible friend, I don’t know why you put up with me.”

“You aren’t a terrible friend, Tom. It works both ways. I’ve not called you either.”

“How are you, Luke? How’s Mark?” Tom relaxed back onto the hotel bed. He was in Manchester for a charity event he’d been invited to. He had some time to kill and he’d been working up the courage to speak to his friend.

“I’m good, busy. Mark’s in the states on business for a few days. Actually, we’ve got some news, we’ve been accepted for adoption,”  Tom felt the breath catch in his throat. Luke and his partner had told him just over a year ago that they’d decided to start a family. It was a long and stressful process and after they’d originally told Tom over dinner it hadn’t been mentioned again.

“Luke, man, that’s amazing. Wow! I’m so happy for you!” Tom spluttered, still surprised and completely over the moon for his friend.

“We actually only found out yesterday. It’s still sinking in.”

“I bet. That’s great news buddy, what happens next?”

“Well, we’re just waiting for a baby who needs a home. They said that could take anything up to a year, but sometimes much quicker. We don’t have any preferences over gender, they said sometimes that helps,” Luke explained, “But you know, I’m trying not to get too excited, I don’t want to get my hopes up before it happens. But the hard bits over with, the application process was brutal. I’m glad it’s over.”

“I’m sure.”

“How about you? Shelly was telling me you’ve been looking at a few scripts for movies. It’s been a while.”

“Yeah, there’s been a couple recently that have appealed to me. It’s just fitting things in, what with filming for the second series of Loki and I’ve got Educating Rita starting in March, it’s going to be busy next year. I’m also doing some lessons at RADA and still helping out at that little theatre.”

“What about Sandra? What does she think?”

“Actually, I’m not seeing Sandra anymore,” here was his opening.

“Oh? I’m sorry, Tom. I had no idea.”

“No, no, it’s fine, I’m fine actually. I ended it, about a week ago.”

“Any reason?”

“Yes,” Tom coughed, and took a few deep breaths, “There’s someone else. I…well I’m not proud of this, but there may have been a bit of an overlap.”

“Oh,” It was simple and Tom couldn’t gauge what his friend really thought of his admission from that one word.

“It’s Katie.”

Silence. Tom waited patiently, he knew Luke was still there because he could hear breathing on the line. The hum of traffic somewhere in the background.

“I told you to be careful.”

“I know.”

“But you chose not to listen?”

“I listened, I did. I tried.”

“Not very hard!”

“Listen, Luke. I know it’s not ideal -”

“Not ideal? Tom, have you completely forgotten what happened last time? You almost ruined your career, it practically destroyed her life –”

“I’m not asking for your permission, Luke. Look, it’s up in the air now anyway. I said something…I put my foot in it a bit with her. I’ve upset her. She won’t talk to me anyway and I’m not sure she ever will. But I want her to. I’ve fucked up, massively. I’m not going to go into detail, you don’t need to hear it. But you do need to know that I love her. I loved her two years back when we were together. I still loved her when we ended and I’ve not stopped loving her and to be quite honest, I’ve never wanted anything in life more than I want her by my side. I’ve hurt her and I’m going to try and make it right. If she’ll have me. I’m prepared for what that means for my career, what I could risk. But I’d sooner give it all up to have her, than live the rest of my life without having at least tried.” Tom stopped and took a deep breath.

“I can’t stop you, Tom. Jesus, two years back if you’d have told me you didn’t give a shit about the glamour modelling and cam stuff and you wanted her anyway, I’d have had your back. It would have been a complete shit storm, but we’d have got through it.”

“I’m not blaming you, Luke. I was hurt, I was in no fit state and I’m ever grateful for everything you did back then. You know that. I also think ending with Katie then was for the best. She needed to think of her kids and I needed time to forgive her properly,” Tom explained earnestly.

“Do you want my approval?”

“No…no…I know I don’t need it. I know whatever I decide you’ll back me fully. Even if you don’t necessarily agree with it.”

“Then what do you need?”

“I need you to talk to Shelly. Explain everything, prepare her.”

“Done.”

“I need Katie’s address.”

“You don’t have it? I thought you’d been seeing her?”

“Not at her home, we have been careful, Luke,” Tom explained, “She won’t take my calls. I need to see her, to speak to her.”

“I can’t give you her address, Tom. It’s against the law, sharing data. My job would be on the line.”

“Luke, please?”

“I’m sorry, Tom. I can’t give you that information.”

“Then what am I supposed to do?” he knew he sounded desperate now,  but honestly, he was. He was running out of options, “I know she’s still in Slough, she told me that much.”

“Awful place,” Luke scoffed, “Some nice pubs though.”

“I wouldn’t know, I honestly don’t think I’ve ever spent more than a few hours there.”

“Do you know the Rugby Club?”

“Actually, yes. Though I’ve not been for years, I saw a few games there when I was at school.”

“There is a great pub near there, the Royal Oak and Castle. They do a great Roast.”

“Right…well…I should go,” Tom rolled his eyes, typical of Luke to go off topic. But Tom needed a plan B. He needed to speak to his sister, see if Emma had any ideas how to get Katie to talk to him

“We should go sometime.”

“To the Rugby?”

“To the pub, for lunch. It’s a bit weird though, its in the middle of this lovely residential street. I mean…it’s convenient, but I wouldn’t want to live right next door to a pub, bit rowdy.”

“I live next to a pub.”

“Well not directly next to it.”

“No.”

“Tom…”

“Yes.”

“You should check it out sometime. The pub,” then it hit him. Luke’s weird, one sided conversation. He had no interest in taking him for lunch at some random pub in Slough. He was telling him something else. Something else entirely.

“Yes!” he said clearly, “Yes, I will, thank you. For the erm…recommendation. I’ll absolutely check it out.”

 

***

 

Tom watched as the door to the Royal Oak and Castle opened and a few patrons stepped outside and huddled together to light their cigarettes. Katie’s house was so close it was virtually touching the pretty looking pub which was situated smack bang in the middle of a row of houses. It had a garden to one side and an alleyway separating it from the house on the other side, which had boarded up windows.

He’d waited another week before using the information Luke had given him. He had to get home from Manchester and he knew the twins would be with their Dad. He’d waited until late Saturday afternoon. If she’d spent the morning at the theatre she would be home. He knew she always spent Saturday afternoons working on her own projects. She’d told him that before. So he was pretty certain she’d be at home.

He’d sort of worked out what he wanted to say to her. If she even let him through the door. Would she turn him away? She’d hung up on every single call he’d tried to make. Although he’d not attempted for the past week. He didn’t want to bombard her. She’d made it clear in those first few days when she’d ended the call after a couple of rings that she wasn’t ready to talk.

Emma had spoken to her.  His sister had wanted to assure her not to be embarrassed. That she’d not seen anything indecent and although slightly disturbing, Katie had nothing to worry about. That if anything Emma had learnt the valuable lesson of knocking before entering. Or that when someone doesn’t answer their front door, that doesn’t mean let yourself in round the back.

His sister hadn’t involved herself further though. She said she’d learnt her lesson after last time, and it was Tom’s job to make things right with Katie, not hers.

After much hesitation Tom finally worked up the courage to leave his car, cross the street, walk up the short front path and ring the bell next to the dark blue wooden door. His heart pounded in his chest as he waited.

It felt like forever, but in reality it probably only took a few seconds for the door in front of him to swing open.

Katie wore black leggings with a black vest top and she had her hair up in a rough pony tail. Her perfect face was void of make-up and she stared at Tom, as she stood frozen on the spot.

She opened her mouth to say something, but was interrupted by a noise behind her, “Mum! Zach’s eaten my crisps!”

“I didn’t!” came the counter voice from somewhere in the house.

“You did… Mum!” then a little figure came running up in the short hallway behind Katie and stopped behind her Mum who was still staring at him, her expression completely unreadable, “Tom!” the little girls face filled with recognition and she squealed his name in excitement.

He floundered and instantly filled with panic. This was not what he’d planned, why weren’t the twins with their Dad? He wouldn’t have come had he known they would be there. But Tom was an actor, and the one thing he was fairly good at was improvisation. It took him less than a second to plaster on a huge fake smile and drop to his knees, letting the eager, now not so little girl throw her arms around him.

“Lucy, wow, you’ve grown so much, you’re a proper little lady now, aren’t you?” she’d grown several centimetres since he’d last seen her and she looked more like her mother than ever. He felt completely taken off guard by the overwhelming joy he felt at seeing how happy she was to see him again.

“What’s going on, who is it?” a second voice was heard and Tom looked over Lucy’s shoulder to see her brother peering around the door frame, “Tom!”

“Hey Buddy,” Tom greeted, letting Lucy go and moving to stand, feeling the ache on his knees. He wasn’t as young as he used to be.

“What are you doing here?” the little boy asked, keenly. He was just as excited as his sister, but seemed a bit more reserved. It was an age thing possibly, he too had grown and was at that stage of boyhood in which he wanted to appear as cool as possible, but inside he was still experiencing that childhood excitement.

“I ah…I came to see your Mum, actually,” Tom chanced a look at Katie. He was expecting her to be cross, to look at him with distain and possibly tell him to sling his hook. But she didn’t look cross as such, perhaps exasperated was a better word. Her hands were on her hips now and she glanced at the children then back to him, “Could we talk? Please?”

“I suppose you’d better come in,” she said eventually, her voice quiet and her tone gave nothing away, “Zach, love, can you get another bag of Quavers out the cupboard for your sister and try and not kill each other for ten minutes. I’ll be in my workroom.”

Both children obediently ran off, not before Lucy wrapped her arms around Tom’s waist and gave him one last squeeze before following her brother into the house.

Katie stepped to one side and gestured into the hallway and Tom stepped inside. She didn’t speak as she lead him through the downstairs of the house. They reached the kitchen and Zach was just fetching the crisps as he was told. Katie waited for a second for her son to disappear again, “Would you like a drink?”

“Ah, water?” she took a glass from an overhead cupboard and filled it from the tap. She didn’t hand it to him, instead she put it on the counter for him to pick up.

“We’ll go into my workroom, the kids won’t bother us in there,” she told him, walking across the open plan kitchen to a closed door. She opened in and he followed her in and waited for her to close the door behind them.

It was probably supposed to be a dining room, from it’s placement next to the kitchen. But instead of a dining table, it housed a large wooden bench along one wall, edged with a metal rule and a sewing machine was placed at one end. There was a seamstress’ mannequin in the corner, and a rail filled with various garments. Also a shelving unit, stacked with reels of coloured threads, and neatly folded piles of fabric. It was extremely organised for a workroom, but that was Katie all over. Everything had it’s place. Katie pulled a stool from under the workbench and then pushed her higher, wheelie chair over to him. He gratefully took and seat and she settled on the stool.

“I’m sorry, Katie. I thought the twins would be with their Dad, if I’d known I wouldn’t have come today, it’s just normally –”

“Matt had an exhibition, he had them for a few days in the week instead,” Katie explained, “How did you get my address?”

“I…Luke didn’t give it to me. He just…gave me a detailed description how I could find it.”

“I wouldn’t have been cross if he’d just given it to you.”

“No?”

“I’m surprised you didn’t come earlier if I’m honest.”

“I wanted to, but I knew I had to give you time.”

“Thank you.”

Tom blanched. He’d had a fairly good idea of what he wanted to say, but suddenly it had completely gone. He should have written something down, or properly rehearsed. But as usual, Katie disarmed him. Nothing had gone how he’d expected it to. First with the twins and then with her too calm demeanour towards him. If he was honest he was expecting a bit of a fight, perhaps to have to convince her a little to get through the front door. But there had been none of that.

“I…” he started, then stopped. His bottom lip wobbled and he quickly bit down on it and looked into his lap.

“Tom?” Katie’s voice was  so gentle and he looked up when he heard the rustle of her moving from the stool. Her eyes were filled with concern as she approached him and reached out touching her fingers to his cheek, “What’s the matter?”

“I…I just…I’m so sorry for what I said to you.”

“Oh,” Katie drew back when the words tumbled from his mouth, “Is that why you’re sitting in my house trying not to cry? Because you feel guilty?”

“No…I… well yes I feel guilty, but that’s not why… I’m sorry can I just have a second?” she nodded at his request and Tom closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths. He considered his next words carefully. When he was ready he opened his eyes and looked back at Katie, who had now sat herself back down on the stool giving a good gap between them. “I am sorry for what I said. It was thoughtless and despite how it sounded, I certainly didn’t mean for it to come out like it did. I have no reasonable excuse, other than I was caught off guard.”

“Right…well…” Katie trailed off, then sighed and opened her mouth to speak again, but Tom cut her off quickly.

“Wait, let me finish, I have some other stuff I want…no, need, to say,” Katie nodded once, “I also owe you an apology for the terrible way in which I’ve treated you,” she frowned at this, clearly confused by what he was getting at, “These past weeks I mean… it’s been so selfish of me, sneaking you around and carrying on with Sandra. I’ve ended with her. I just wanted you to know that, I called her and ended things. I told her I’d been unfaithful, I told her about you.”

“Tom,” Katie’s expression changed to immediate concern, “Wasn’t that a bit stupid? What if she says something to someone?”

“She won’t. Actually…well she was sort of happy for me. She always knew what we had was a temporary arrangement. I liked her because there was no future, Sandra is lovely and attractive and wonderful company. But that’s all she is.”

“What exactly did you tell her?” Katie wondered out loud.

“That I was in love with you. That I’d always been in love with you and I couldn’t continue to see her, because doing so, was me trying to deny myself of what I really want,” Tom stopped and Katie didn’t say anything. Maybe she sensed he wasn’t finished, or more likely, given the stunned expression on her face, she simply didn’t have any words for what he’d just admitted, “You, Katie. I want you. But I think it’s too late, I’m scared I’ve broken you.”

“Broken me?”

“Yes,” Tom nodded, “When we first met, you were the happiest person I’d ever met, I remember walking into that shop and I’d always hear you laughing. You always had a smile for me…for everyone and it was permanent. But then you met me and I broke you, I broke your heart and your spirit and now…you don’t smile all the time. I keep hurting you and I keep making you cry. I want to beg you to give me a chance, to see what we could be, but even if you could forgive me, even if you felt the same. I’m not sure I could live with myself knowing the reason you don’t laugh as much is because of me. Because I made you doubt your self-worth.”

It was quiet between them for a moment as Katie processed what he was telling her. “You didn’t break me, Tom,” he went to interrupt, but she didn’t let him, “No, you’ve had your chance to speak, now it’s mine,” so he nodded and shut up, “You didn’t break me. I was broken way before I met you. The time in my life when I should have been out living my dreams I was at home on my own with two new born babies. You know how much I love the twins, I wouldn’t change them for the world, but what I never told you, what I’ve never told anyone is that for a long time I felt completely worthless. When I started the cam stuff it changed my life, it gave me a confidence I didn’t know I possessed, but it wasn’t a permanent fix. Then you came into my life and suddenly I didn’t need the verification of faceless strangers to make me feel good about myself. You did that so organically. Its what made me fall in love with you.”

“But –”

“The reason I don’t smile as much…is because I don’t need to. Especially not with you. I don’t have to hide behind that mask these days. Life can be fucking hard, Tom. I want you to know that when you see me smile it’s because I’m genuinely happy. Not because I’m trying to convince you I am,” Katie finished her piece and gave Tom a minute for what she’d told him to sink in, “I’m glad you ended with Sandra. It’s not healthy to be in a relationship like that.”

“No… I know that. I always knew that, I was quite ashamed with myself if I’m honest.”

“Would you like to stay for dinner? I’ve made quiche and a potato salad,” the invitation took him by surprise and he gaped at her for a moment. He wasn’t aware their conversation was over, “There’s plenty to go around, I promise.”

“Erm… I don’t know if I should?”

“Are you asking me? I wouldn’t have invited you if I didn’t want you to stay.”

“No, no… I know that. I’m just a bit confused that’s all,” Tom explained his hesitation to accept her offer of dinner, “What with the twins being here, won’t they wonder what’s going on?”

“They’re nine… I’ll just tell them we’ve been working together at the theatre,” she shrugged, “Listen, it’s dinner time and I have to feed them. I’m well aware we still have a lot we need to talk about. So I just thought it makes sense for you to stay and eat with us. Then I’ll send them up to get ready for bed and we can continue. Unless you’ve got somewhere you need to be?”

“No I don’t,” Tom answered immediately, “I’ve got all night… I mean...yeah. I don’t have to rush off. Dinner would be lovely.”

“Alright then,” Katie slapped both hands to her thighs and stood up, making for the door so she could sort dinner, but she stopped dead before she opened the it. Tom had been hot on her heels and almost walked into her when she turned to face him, “Oh, you’re closer than I was expecting.”

“Sorry,” he stepped back quickly.

“I’m sorry if I wasn’t clear. Before we go on with this…chat. I do feel the same way. I love you too, Tom,” and without warning she tiptoed and pushed a very quick, but sweet kiss to the corner of his mouth, before turning back and heading out into the kitchen.

Tom stood in the doorway for a second, completely stunned. What had just happened? Had she forgiven him? Was she saying she was willing to discuss a relationship?

Right now he didn’t care. She loved him. She loved him and she didn’t hate him and she wanted him to stay for dinner so they could talk some more.

The details could be ironed out later.


End file.
